If you’ve been following me on socials or here for any length of time you’ve heard me say “I love you.” Or “Love you.” I have been Blessed with the gift of a big heart and lots of love to share. And I am so glad to be able to share that with you.
Did you know there are different types of love? There are seven to eight different types to be exact 😊. They are Eros, Ludus, Storge, Agape, Pragma, Philautia, Philia, and last but definitely questionable, Mania. Mania is the one that makes it “seven or eight” depending on your point of view as its not actual love, but more dangerous obsession. Also, a note, is often a person will be in the midst of two of these at one time in regard to one relationship, but more on that later.
Let’s start…
Types of Love
Eros - passionate love – is all about passion… it’s the Cupid’s arrow version of love. This is less romantic and more blind as often depicted with a blindfolded cherub shooting a bow. As a more sexually focused love… think bedroom passion versus that of a couple married for half a century. A lot of attraction and lust. This is not real romantic love but could be the early stages of it before it morphs into Pragma—that couple you look up to that’s been married for over fifty years.
Philia - deep friendship – this love is all about friends and goodwill. Loving a girl friend or buddy, but in an enduring way. It’s all about trust, brother/sisterhood, and fellowship.
Agape - universal love – [“aga-pay”] this is a “universal” love, like the love for la-dee-da-dee everybody and everything, no familial or familiarity required. Some link this with altruism, but I dislike the altruist definition as it means an unselfish regard for others. In other words, self-sacrifice for the benefit of others. Now don’t get me wrong, there are people I would absolutely sacrifice for, but not typically people I don’t know, who would be “agape” people.
Ludus - playful love – this is the flirty, fun side of love--playful and teasing, seducing & pairing off. In my mind, these are your one-night stands or just playing on the dance floor before going home along. I think of it as the pre-cursor to Eros.
Storge - familial love – [“stor-jay”] this is the familial love, best related to the love between a parent and child—the “I will always love you, no matter what” love. This is often the love between family members as a blood bond vs Philiawhich is more “friends are the family you choose.”
Pragma - compassionate or enduring love – this one reminds me of arranged marriages, where they learn to love one another over time; the practicality of Pragma love is long term, “making it work”. Often seen in political figures and the British nobility. Pragma is also the long-standing, married-for-decades couple. They adore each other and nurture their relationship with each other.
Philautia - self-love – is self-love and can be the positive or negative side of that coin—self-esteem or conceit. On the positive side it’s something we should all feel for ourselves, feeling good about who we are as a person and what we do. Our self is should not be dependent upon how the world sees us, how much money we make, nor should it be dependent upon vices like alcohol, and especially not on tearing others down.
Mania – obsessive love – is the “stalker” love that is potentially dangerous for the recipient and isn’t really love. This is all codependent or toxic relationship based only on one person’s feelings instead of mutual feelings going both ways.
The Love Triangle
There are three main categories of love, and your relationship(s) can float between the three (we all have good days and bad days 😊) but is usually fairly stable in a certain area. The triangle is Intimacy, Passion, and Decision or Commitment.
Intimacy is all about being close and connected to your person. You’re bonded. This is less physical and more about emotional intimacy. These are the more stable, long-lasting emotional loves like, Philia, Agape, Storge, and Pragma.
Passion is all about the physical part of the relationship. Think Ludus and Eros.
Decision or Commitment is all about the long term, think decades long marriages and friendships. These thought-ful loves are Storge, Pragma, and Philia type relationships.
With a few of these types of love you can also be holding between two, for example Eros can be both intimate and passionate.
The flip side to that coin is that you can feel two types of love for one person. Eros and Pragma, Ludus and Eros, Philiaand Agape, Philautia and Agape, or Mania and Eros.
This has been an interesting learning journey for me and I’m happy to be sharing it with you. For many I have met I agape love you, and for those I have had a chance to build a relationship with, you are my philia and agape loves. Either way, I am glad you are here, my friend! And I do love you! You are always loved.
Warmth & Love,
💜 Tracy
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References:
- These Are the 7 Types of Love by Dr. Neel Burton
- The 8 Types of Love by Sarah Regan
- Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love by Marni Feuerman